Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
