please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
