I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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