dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
