I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
