I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
