How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
