I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You were trust falling into bushes
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
