standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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