I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
