Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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