Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
