i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
