I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
