Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
