What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
