Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
