Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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