So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
