Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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