Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Congratulations! We have a period
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