Are we in a gay sports bar?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
