just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
