The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
