I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
