He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
