The maid of honor just puked.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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