Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
