so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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