I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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