Already got asked if we're dating
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
