Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
