The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
my nose is crying tears of wow.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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