Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
