so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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