I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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