I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
