i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
