New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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