So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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