so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
