would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
