i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
