you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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