We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
