Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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