You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
