Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
