My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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