Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
