Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
